I am 66, I have seen so many guys get divorced. A friends wife left him after 32 years. I stayed single and no kids. The laws need to change, they are very outdated.
Really apprecaite your willingness to be transparent Ryan. I'd just like to add that Christ needs to be at the center of any marriage that hopes to thrive/survive in today's world.
At 57 yrs old, I have learned from everyone's mistakes around me. I know enough to know that I'll NEVER get married! Love being single, having freedom and peace and quiet at home!
I'm with you sir. I'm 47 and I've watched ALL of my childhood friends have their lives destroyed by women. I've seen the toughest dudes get wrecked by idiotic girls. I knew I never wanted to be married by the time I was 21. Women can be a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Man. I'm zeroing in on my 40's and as much as I love women, I'm also not built to be in a relationship. There's only been ONE female I stupidly passed up on. Otherwise, every other female just does not complete me. And honestly, I don't need a woman to complete me. If I happen to get a special woman in my life, excellent. Otherwise, I enjoy my space, liberty, peace and quiet.
@@DanYellowZena I'm 47 and I too passed up on a female. I was in my mid 30's and I met a woman that I fell head-over-heels for. I waned to marry her and start a family. But, after a few months of dating, I decided not to pull the trigger. It was a smart move because I am 100% SURE that I'd be divorced by now and my finances would be a mess. It's just too easy these days for them to leave you on a whim. So, I'm a childless bachelor for life.
Praying over you brother! I’m so sorry about all of this. A stat that is not talked about enough: A husband and wife that pray together on a daily basis - have a 95% success rate! Something to consider before and in the middle of marriage.
I have listened for a long time off and on. Stay strong. Many marriages end in divorce, and a lot of ones that don’t end up being unhappy marriages with one or both spouses feeling bitter/alone. Appreciate you speaking to us about what you’ve learned.
1: Don't get complacent. 2: Learn yourself and fix yourself. 3: Out with the old. In with the new (beyond women). 4: Don't be spiteful. 5: Control what you can control (its not her), and know the difference.
This is a very inspiring pod cast video. I have 25 years with the same woman, married for 23. I love her so much. I allowed some things to happen. I was complacent like Ryan says. She tried fixing things and working on things about 3 years ago. I missed the opportunity. I have learned a lot about myself in this year of separation. I have gone to counseling and divorce care support group. I have learned new skills and tools but it’s too late. I can’t prove to her that I have changed, that I would move mountains for her. She still said no. Tomorrow I am meeting with a divorce attorney and get the divorce process started. It sucks. What I wish she would understand is I need love from her just like I am supposed to give her love. I can’t live like this anymore. I will give her everything she has coming to her in terms of the divorce. And then I have to move on. It just really sucks!!
Rejection breads obsession. There was a reason why you stopped trying, whether you realize it now or not. Don't allow anything that happened during your relationship define you as a man or even as a human being. Heal right now. See what you did, kind of blame yourself for everything and fix those issues. Get your identity and yourself back and the next woman will blow her away. The ex will just be an after image. I run a support group for Truck Drivers experiencing or going through divorce. I'm also a life coach, not a relationship coach or specialist, however. If you ever need someone, reach out to me. It's important for you to know that 1. Don't try and go through this by yourself. Having a support group or a supportive individual can help you by leaps and bounds and 2. Forgive her and most importantly, forgive yourself for being human.
Not enough emphasis placed on the role women play in divorce. The consequences for men are absolutely devastating for the man’s livelihood. I’ve been married and divorced twice. This second has impacted my life for what will be years as far as recovery. I’m a middle aged man and will span years for me to recover and live a decent lifestyle going into my 50’s. Why risk all that ? Fault, accountability and responsibility should not always be placed on the men when it comes to unsuccessful marriages. If you’re a 50 years old man who will have to work 60-70 hours a week for years just to live a decent life because a woman changed her mind and her feelings towards you can you truthfully say that is an ideal life to live during the second half of your life?? You cannot convince me that it is.
I’ve been through the divorce machine and I’ve watched a few of my buddies go through it. It’s not worth it for men! After going through it myself, I’ve told multiple friends and coworkers not to do it. They don’t listen and end up regretting it. Wanna take a 60% chance on losing half of your stuff, paying child support and alimony, and only seeing your kids every other weekend? Yeah, sounds like a great time huh
It's a raw deal man. I knew a guy who was tough as nails, a born leader of men, star athlete etc. But he let women walk all over him and always went back for more. It's like he would turn into a slave as soon as some chick put out for him. I lost all respect for that guy.
The women think they are young n cute ,it’s their last chance to find a new man because they think they can do better,,,,men need to stop dating divorced women you are fueling the divorce craze
Crazy how the spiteful part relates to her and not me but great advice as I’ve given in to her spitefulness and ended up in cuffs. Now I try to return to having work on myself and my level headedness. Just as you I’m working on being a better me, return to God and passion and being the dad my kids need. Thanks for the video.
Axioms help. If you treat her like a star she'll treat you like a fan. When a woman leaves it's almost always because the man became a simp over time or always was a simp. Women will eventually get tired of a simp and leave him.
@@JohnSmith-ys3wc a lot of the times it's this. He allowed himself to be betatitized through a thousand concessions. Too much avoidance of conflict for peace rather than setting boundaries and creating an environment where peace is the rule.
@@JohnSmith-ys3wc mine was from rich cooper. Not sure where yours came from. Pretty sure I heard rollo say that but he may not have been the original one
Great video. You have great points. No victimhood. Great stuff. I still ponder whether I became codependent over the 27 years or I was before we met. I tend to think it was a slow process over time. Especially after the kids.
My Guy. 59 y/o man here. I saw as early as 1987 that my fellow American women were not my contemporaries. Not only have I not dated any American born women since 1992, I also learned since then how the laws and courts completely strip American men of their side of the SMV market value. The last facet I learned was female nature. Combining all three, I would have to be demented or brain damaged to overlook these and marry a woman in the USA. So any discussion of how you failed in your marriage is moot - if you kept to your vows and it was your wife who initiated the divorce.
I have to mostly agree with you here. Now I was only born in 1987 but I can see the same things you see. Divorce is lined up to be an easy escape button for women who then receive all the prizes, so why not leave. Also as you said it’s part of their nature to move on to what the deem as “better”.
Married for 20 years, divorced in October this year. Find myself knowing what is best and good, but finding it hard at points to do the things I know are best and good. I can relate I think to most of everything you've said. I have my days where my emotions get the better of me and I don't control them. Thanks for the video.
Going through a divorce is an emotional roller coaster. Give it some time. Your good days will out number the bad ones. Be easy and good to yourself. I realized after the wife abandoned me and our kids it was the best thing she ever did for me.
Eesh. Just hearing you talk about what you need to do in a relationship reminds me why I do not want one. Why anyone would want to take on this burden in 2024 with all the risks involved... I just don't understand.
Its less of conversations and more of a set of behaviors. You can talk all you want, but without receipts it means nothing. You cannot be seen as weak or vulnerable. Addictions dont just make us look weak but become weak. A womens attraction level is tied to how she perceives your abilities to lead her to a safe and secure future. We care about their past, and they care about our future. When that future is at risk, the shot clock is ticking. At this moment is when you dont be complacent. Its time to fix those issues that jeopardize her future security. Also have a spine and set boundries. If marraige were a video game, it would be playig relationships on hard mode. You have to be more on top of your game than when you lived in separate houses and were just dating.
Serious question, and I am actually looking for answers, not mocking. Why should we take relationship and marriage advice from someone whose marriage didn't work out? I have been following you for a long time, and have learned a lot, however it does seem counter-intuitive to take advice from someone whos marriage fell apart. Is it a learn from my mistakes thing? What about all of your previous video about marriage and relationships? Clearly it didn't work, so why should we listen?
Did it not work or did I not apply what I know works? If you listened to the podcast, you know I was pretty clear about my own shortcomings and what I did right in my previous relationship. You don't get to 18 years in a marriage without knowing a few things. And, consider, how many times in your life have you absolutely known what you should do and, yet, failed to do it? Does that mean you didn't know what worked? No, it means you didn't apply what you know works. Two different things. With all due respect, I don't care if you you listen to this or not. I know it will be helpful if you apply it as it was with me. But that's for you to decide, not for me to convince you of.
As a married man, hearing his lessons learned is very valuable. I really appreciate this video. Having said that, I do think a risk of these types of “manly videos” runs the risk of us thinking providing and protecting is all a woman needs. That’s like marrying a 9 or 10 who gives sex… it’s great but by itself it won’t sustain a relationship. There is much more that makes a great relationship. This video helps us not get complacent and has good advice.
Sorry, man. That's gotta be a rough thing to go through. But it sounds like you're doing well. To the men that are telling other men to never get married, that is terrible advice. Marriage can be wonderful. I've been married for almost 17 years, and it is a battle sometimes, but it's worth the fight. Now, if you're in a marriage that is abusive or toxic in some way like that, then maybe it can't be fixed, but don't jump ship just because it gets hard. I know men who have been married longer than me who have gotten divorced, and in large part, it was due to both parties not giving enough grace and making mountains out of mole hills and they stopped dating each other. In short, they got complacent and lazy. From my experience, I think more marriages end because one or both people didn't fall out of love, but they forgot to love. They stopped serving one another and became selfish. When both partners are worried more about themselves than their partner, divorce will be the outcome unless they change. Great video.
It’s not worth it for men. A man could give 110% in a marriage and be a perfect husband and the woman can decide she doesn’t love you and take half of your stuff and get alimony plus the kids. Not worth it at all.
It doesn’t take both parties.. it only takes one. You can do everything right .. but that no fault divorce says she doesn’t need a solid reason to leave you
@bricefsvens5031 So I hear, but it appears that it is almost impossible to do, and highly improbable to say the least, especially for a lifetime. Till death do us part has no meaning.
I was with a woman who always brought up how much money I make because I didn’t want her to know. I would always think, what’s it matter B$tch your not getting any on it. 😂
You will find another woman... if you want one. I think were I to be in the unfortunate situation where I got divorced I wouldn't seek another female anytime soon. And if you haven't yet started a family, men have the advantage of time.
Sure good luck being homeless, your kids being taken away from you. A lot of men have deleted themselves because of the courts. No rational thinking man would say what you just said@@PatrickMartinez1
I am 66, I have seen so many guys get divorced. A friends wife left him after 32 years. I stayed single and no kids.
The laws need to change, they are very outdated.
Really apprecaite your willingness to be transparent Ryan. I'd just like to add that Christ needs to be at the center of any marriage that hopes to thrive/survive in today's world.
At 57 yrs old, I have learned from everyone's mistakes around me. I know enough to know that I'll NEVER get married! Love being single, having freedom and peace and quiet at home!
I'm with you sir. I'm 47 and I've watched ALL of my childhood friends have their lives destroyed by women. I've seen the toughest dudes get wrecked by idiotic girls. I knew I never wanted to be married by the time I was 21. Women can be a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Man. I'm zeroing in on my 40's and as much as I love women, I'm also not built to be in a relationship. There's only been ONE female I stupidly passed up on. Otherwise, every other female just does not complete me. And honestly, I don't need a woman to complete me. If I happen to get a special woman in my life, excellent. Otherwise, I enjoy my space, liberty, peace and quiet.
@@DanYellowZena I'm 47 and I too passed up on a female. I was in my mid 30's and I met a woman that I fell head-over-heels for. I waned to marry her and start a family. But, after a few months of dating, I decided not to pull the trigger. It was a smart move because I am 100% SURE that I'd be divorced by now and my finances would be a mess. It's just too easy these days for them to leave you on a whim. So, I'm a childless bachelor for life.
Praying over you brother! I’m so sorry about all of this.
A stat that is not talked about enough:
A husband and wife that pray together on a daily basis - have a 95% success rate!
Something to consider before and in the middle of marriage.
I have listened for a long time off and on. Stay strong. Many marriages end in divorce, and a lot of ones that don’t end up being unhappy marriages with one or both spouses feeling bitter/alone. Appreciate you speaking to us about what you’ve learned.
1: Don't get complacent.
2: Learn yourself and fix yourself.
3: Out with the old. In with the new (beyond women).
4: Don't be spiteful.
5: Control what you can control (its not her), and know the difference.
Thank you for your service.
Quality words my friend
This is a very inspiring pod cast video.
I have 25 years with the same woman, married for 23. I love her so much. I allowed some things to happen. I was complacent like Ryan says. She tried fixing things and working on things about 3 years ago. I missed the opportunity. I have learned a lot about myself in this year of separation. I have gone to counseling and divorce care support group. I have learned new skills and tools but it’s too late. I can’t prove to her that I have changed, that I would move mountains for her. She still said no.
Tomorrow I am meeting with a divorce attorney and get the divorce process started. It sucks. What I wish she would understand is I need love from her just like I am supposed to give her love. I can’t live like this anymore. I will give her everything she has coming to her in terms of the divorce. And then I have to move on. It just really sucks!!
Rejection breads obsession. There was a reason why you stopped trying, whether you realize it now or not. Don't allow anything that happened during your relationship define you as a man or even as a human being. Heal right now. See what you did, kind of blame yourself for everything and fix those issues. Get your identity and yourself back and the next woman will blow her away. The ex will just be an after image. I run a support group for Truck Drivers experiencing or going through divorce. I'm also a life coach, not a relationship coach or specialist, however. If you ever need someone, reach out to me. It's important for you to know that 1. Don't try and go through this by yourself. Having a support group or a supportive individual can help you by leaps and bounds and 2. Forgive her and most importantly, forgive yourself for being human.
Don't give her everything. Keep a bit for yourself.
Be Fair...
...But Be Smart
Not enough emphasis placed on the role women play in divorce. The consequences for men are absolutely devastating for the man’s livelihood. I’ve been married and divorced twice. This second has impacted my life for what will be years as far as recovery. I’m a middle aged man and will span years for me to recover and live a decent lifestyle going into my 50’s. Why risk all that ? Fault, accountability and responsibility should not always be placed on the men when it comes to unsuccessful marriages. If you’re a 50 years old man who will have to work 60-70 hours a week for years just to live a decent life because a woman changed her mind and her feelings towards you can you truthfully say that is an ideal life to live during the second half of your life?? You cannot convince me that it is.
muchas gracias; thank you very much for your words.
I’ve been through the divorce machine and I’ve watched a few of my buddies go through it. It’s not worth it for men! After going through it myself, I’ve told multiple friends and coworkers not to do it. They don’t listen and end up regretting it. Wanna take a 60% chance on losing half of your stuff, paying child support and alimony, and only seeing your kids every other weekend? Yeah, sounds like a great time huh
I would love for my son to have a great marriage etc...I know the odds are against it. I love him too much to see him go thru what I experienced.
It's a raw deal man. I knew a guy who was tough as nails, a born leader of men, star athlete etc. But he let women walk all over him and always went back for more. It's like he would turn into a slave as soon as some chick put out for him. I lost all respect for that guy.
Wierd that myself and a lot of people I personally know got seperated or divorsed at the 20 year or so mark.
The women think they are young n cute ,it’s their last chance to find a new man because they think they can do better,,,,men need to stop dating divorced women you are fueling the divorce craze
I’ve had the same observation. Mine lasted 22 years. I landed on my feet with enough knowledge to know I’ll never do that again.
Crazy how the spiteful part relates to her and not me but great advice as I’ve given in to her spitefulness and ended up in cuffs. Now I try to return to having work on myself and my level headedness. Just as you I’m working on being a better me, return to God and passion and being the dad my kids need. Thanks for the video.
Returning to God is the best step ….. especially with all these Jezebels running around
Thank you for this sir.
I’m sorry to hear that you went through that brother!
I'm not convinced most divorces can be prevented. It is a chapter in a long book.
Axioms help.
If you treat her like a star she'll treat you like a fan.
When a woman leaves it's almost always because the man became a simp over time or always was a simp. Women will eventually get tired of a simp and leave him.
@@JohnSmith-ys3wc a lot of the times it's this. He allowed himself to be betatitized through a thousand concessions. Too much avoidance of conflict for peace rather than setting boundaries and creating an environment where peace is the rule.
@@jwill9877 Richard Cooper said it well
@@jwill9877 Or was that Rollo Tomassi?
@@JohnSmith-ys3wc mine was from rich cooper. Not sure where yours came from. Pretty sure I heard rollo say that but he may not have been the original one
Unrealistic expectations and not understanding that we are non-monogamous biologically
G-d is with you, sir. He is your shield and exceedingly great reward.
Good advice ❤
Sorry to hear.... hope you all find healing
Great video. You have great points. No victimhood. Great stuff. I still ponder whether I became codependent over the 27 years or I was before we met. I tend to think it was a slow process over time. Especially after the kids.
She's not yours. It's just your turn.
My Guy. 59 y/o man here. I saw as early as 1987 that my fellow American women were not my contemporaries. Not only have I not dated any American born women since 1992, I also learned since then how the laws and courts completely strip American men of their side of the SMV market value. The last facet I learned was female nature. Combining all three, I would have to be demented or brain damaged to overlook these and marry a woman in the USA. So any discussion of how you failed in your marriage is moot - if you kept to your vows and it was your wife who initiated the divorce.
I have to mostly agree with you here. Now I was only born in 1987 but I can see the same things you see. Divorce is lined up to be an easy escape button for women who then receive all the prizes, so why not leave. Also as you said it’s part of their nature to move on to what the deem as “better”.
Married for 20 years, divorced in October this year. Find myself knowing what is best and good, but finding it hard at points to do the things I know are best and good. I can relate I think to most of everything you've said. I have my days where my emotions get the better of me and I don't control them. Thanks for the video.
Going through a divorce is an emotional roller coaster. Give it some time. Your good days will out number the bad ones. Be easy and good to yourself. I realized after the wife abandoned me and our kids it was the best thing she ever did for me.
Eesh. Just hearing you talk about what you need to do in a relationship reminds me why I do not want one. Why anyone would want to take on this burden in 2024 with all the risks involved... I just don't understand.
Its less of conversations and more of a set of behaviors. You can talk all you want, but without receipts it means nothing. You cannot be seen as weak or vulnerable. Addictions dont just make us look weak but become weak. A womens attraction level is tied to how she perceives your abilities to lead her to a safe and secure future. We care about their past, and they care about our future. When that future is at risk, the shot clock is ticking. At this moment is when you dont be complacent. Its time to fix those issues that jeopardize her future security. Also have a spine and set boundries. If marraige were a video game, it would be playig relationships on hard mode. You have to be more on top of your game than when you lived in separate houses and were just dating.
It's been 2 years, and i still haven't found one of those "lots of women out there"
Serious question, and I am actually looking for answers, not mocking.
Why should we take relationship and marriage advice from someone whose marriage didn't work out?
I have been following you for a long time, and have learned a lot, however it does seem counter-intuitive to take advice from someone whos marriage fell apart. Is it a learn from my mistakes thing? What about all of your previous video about marriage and relationships? Clearly it didn't work, so why should we listen?
Did it not work or did I not apply what I know works? If you listened to the podcast, you know I was pretty clear about my own shortcomings and what I did right in my previous relationship. You don't get to 18 years in a marriage without knowing a few things. And, consider, how many times in your life have you absolutely known what you should do and, yet, failed to do it? Does that mean you didn't know what worked? No, it means you didn't apply what you know works. Two different things.
With all due respect, I don't care if you you listen to this or not. I know it will be helpful if you apply it as it was with me. But that's for you to decide, not for me to convince you of.
As a married man, hearing his lessons learned is very valuable. I really appreciate this video. Having said that, I do think a risk of these types of “manly videos” runs the risk of us thinking providing and protecting is all a woman needs. That’s like marrying a 9 or 10 who gives sex… it’s great but by itself it won’t sustain a relationship. There is much more that makes a great relationship. This video helps us not get complacent and has good advice.
Sorry, man. That's gotta be a rough thing to go through. But it sounds like you're doing well. To the men that are telling other men to never get married, that is terrible advice. Marriage can be wonderful. I've been married for almost 17 years, and it is a battle sometimes, but it's worth the fight. Now, if you're in a marriage that is abusive or toxic in some way like that, then maybe it can't be fixed, but don't jump ship just because it gets hard. I know men who have been married longer than me who have gotten divorced, and in large part, it was due to both parties not giving enough grace and making mountains out of mole hills and they stopped dating each other. In short, they got complacent and lazy. From my experience, I think more marriages end because one or both people didn't fall out of love, but they forgot to love. They stopped serving one another and became selfish. When both partners are worried more about themselves than their partner, divorce will be the outcome unless they change. Great video.
It’s not worth it for men. A man could give 110% in a marriage and be a perfect husband and the woman can decide she doesn’t love you and take half of your stuff and get alimony plus the kids. Not worth it at all.
You cant control how the woman is going to act. My county has an 82% divorce rate. 75% are filed by women.
It doesn’t take both parties.. it only takes one. You can do everything right .. but that no fault divorce says she doesn’t need a solid reason to leave you
If your a man never get married...NEVER
That's terrible advice. Marriage is awesome when it's done right.
@bricefsvens5031 So I hear, but it appears that it is almost impossible to do, and highly improbable to say the least, especially for a lifetime. Till death do us part has no meaning.
I was with a woman who always brought up how much money I make because I didn’t want her to know. I would always think, what’s it matter B$tch your not getting any on it. 😂
Deal breaker. She is interested in how she will benefit or profit from the relationship.
Smart men stay single! Don’t get married if you like your life!
You will find another woman... if you want one. I think were I to be in the unfortunate situation where I got divorced I wouldn't seek another female anytime soon. And if you haven't yet started a family, men have the advantage of time.
Don’t ever date a divorce mother your rewarding her bad decisions
Lesson learned - never get married
Anybody saying that men shouldn't get married is a coward. Just because it's hard and doesn't always work out doesn't mean it's not worthwhile.
What about marriage would you say makes it worthwhile?
@jonmiller5402 it's only the most meaningful, fruitful, intimate, and life-changing relationship you can possibly have.
Sure good luck being homeless, your kids being taken away from you. A lot of men have deleted themselves because of the courts. No rational thinking man would say what you just said@@PatrickMartinez1
A 30 year bad marriage and the divorce was certainly life changing. Just like car wrecks and cancer.
Men get screwed over way too much in marriage. It wasn’t worth it for me.
Lesson learned, Don’t get married.
Um seriously WTF?????
This guy who has a RUclips channel about being a man providing and protecting got divorced?????
Something's not right
shes not yours its just your turn